Friday, March 16, 2012

CHURCH HUMOR: Christian Considerations!

HUMOR   HUMOR   HUMOR   HUMOR   HUMOR   HUMOR   HUMOR   HUMOR   HUMOR   HUMOR

YOUR PERSONAL GPS
You might find your life's destination better if you remember
THE BEST WAY TO HAVE THE LAST WORD IS TO APOLOGIZE

FORBIDDEN FRUIT CREATES MANY JAMS


FIRST TRIP TO THE MALL

An Amish boy and his father were visiting a mall.  They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and back together again.  The boy asked his father, "What is this, Father?"  The father responded, "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is."  While the boy and his father were watching wide-eyed an old lady in a wheel chair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button.  The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room.  The walls closed and the boy and his father watched small circles of lights with numbers above the wall light up.  The walls opened up again and a beautiful 24 year old woman stepped out.

The father said to his son, "Run get your Mother."

DON'T WAIT FOR THE HEARSE TO TAKE YOU TO CHURCH


PSALM 23 FOR TECH HEADS

The Lord is my programmer, I shall not crash.
He installed His software on the hard disk of my heart.
All of His commands are user friendly.
His directory guides me to the right choices for His name's sake
Even though I scroll through the problems of life,
i will fear no bugs, for He is my back-up.
His password protects me.
He prepares a menu before me in the prescence of my eniemies.
His help is only a keystroke away.
Surely goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life
and my file will be merged with His and saved forever.
Amen!

PLAN AHEAD!  IT WASN'T RAINING WHEN NOAH BUILT THE ARK



GOD MADE US

A little girl was sitting on her grandfather's lap as he read her a bedtime story.  From time to time, she would take her eyes off the book, reach up to touch his wrinkled cheek.  She was alternately stroking her own cheek, then his again.  Finally she spoke up, "Grandpa, did God make you?"  "Yes, sweetheart," he answered, "God made me a long time ago."  "Oh," she paulsed, "Grandpa, did God make me too?"  "Yes, indeed, honey," he said, "god made you just a little while ago."  Feeling their respective faces again, she observed, "God's getting better at it, isn't He?"

RELIGION IS NOT CAKE FOR SPECIAL OCCASIONS
IT IS BREAD FOR DAILY USE


Sure, and now isn't there just the most wonderful aroma a'waif'n through me house?  Wouldn't you be a'knowing now t'is from the corned beef and cabbage with turnips and potatoes that me lovely bride has slow cooking in the crock pot for tomorrows celebration of St. Paddy's Day.  If you want to go to a St. Paddy's Day celebration, go to Boston or New York.  In Ireland, St. Valentine's Day is the big day of celebration.  There are 4 million Irish in Ireland but 40 million Irish in America.  BUT,   EVERYONE IS IRISH ON ST. PATRICK'S DAY!

God Bless You and Yours

GOD BLESS THE USA

2 comments:

Mark Pierce said...

Liked this one! Funny!

Walt Pierce said...

Glad you enjoyed it, Son. It was fun to write. I was in Ireland once on Valentine's Day. IT WAS REALLY WILD!

DAD