Friday, June 19, 2015

LAUGHTER, THE BEST MEDICINE:  It works and there is no consumption limit

LAUGHTER   LAUGHTER   LAUGHTER   LAUGHTER   LAUGHTER   LAUGHTER

              YOUR PERSONAL GPS
  You might reach your life's destination better if you remember
THERE ARE TWO CHOICES IN LIFE.   YOU CAN STAY SINGLE AND BE MISERABLE OR GET MARRIED AND WISH YOU WERE DEAD!

FIRST GUY - MY WIFE IS AN ANGEL.  
SECOND GUY - YOUR'E LUCKY, MINE IS STILL ALIVE


A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.

 Suddenly, the husband burst into the kitchen shouting "Careful, CAREFUL!  Put in some butter!  Oh, my God!  You're cooking too many at once.  TOO MANY!  Turn them.  TURN THEM!  Careful!  CAREFUL!  I said be CAREFUL!  You NEVER listen to me when you are cooking.  NEVER!  HURRY UP, turn them NOW!  HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MIND?  Don't forget to salt them.  You always forget to salt them.  USE THE SALT!"

The wife stared at him.  "What's wrong with you?  You think I don't know how to fry a couple eggs?"

The husband calmly replied:  "I just wanted to show you what's it like when I'm driving".

CHURCH SIGN: FREE TRIP TO HEAVEN.  DETAILS INSIDE

Man was stopped by a cop.  "Why", the man asked?  The cop said "Speeding". The driver said "I was only doing 65"  His wife said "You always drive 80.''  The husband gave her a dirty look.

And, the cop said, "Going to give you a ticket for a broken tail light too".  The driver said "Must have just happened"  His wife said, "That tail lights been broke for months"

"Also", said the cop, "You get a ticket for not wearing a seat belt" 

                            The driver said "I took it off as you were walking up"
                                 The wife said "You never wear a seat belt"  
                                       The husband shouted "SHUT UP"

                    The cop asked, "Does he always shout at you like this?"

                              The woman said, "Only when he's drunk!"

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A woman placed an ad in the newspaper, HUSBAND WANTED.

The next day she got over a hundred calls saying TAKE MINE!

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She's so blond she thought -

....a quarterback was a refund
....General Motors was an army officer
....she wanted a price check at a dollar store
....she takes two hours to watch 60 MINUTES
....thinks TACO BELL is a Mexican Phone Co.
....she took a blood test and failed











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5 WRONG ANNIVERSARY REPLIES

1.  "Today is what?"
2. "I got you a present worth a dollar        for every time we've had sex.  Here's       a $5.00 gift certificate to Wendy's" 
3. Okay, let's celebrate.  Do we have to      go together.
4. I thought we only celebrated
     important events.
5. OK, I'll take you to Pizza Hut.  Just 
     shut up! 
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GOD BLESS YOU AND YOURS

GOD BLESS THE USA
           

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